Introduction - Faith No More

 

             This is a my story. This is for people who want to understand how and why people are losing faith in their religion. While my faith may not be the same as yours, and not all material provided will be relevant to yours, it may help to understand a person's reasoning in their journey into disbelief in a higher power or religion. I have lost my faith in my religion. The following is a compilation of what I've learned, combined with who I am and how my beliefs have changed. This is a story about trust, deception, faith, devotion, pain, regret, change, healing, and happiness. If you are religious, this story will challenge your beliefs. I say this plainly so you understand what you are about to read may not agree with many of the things you may think you know. I also say this hoping you will still choose to read. If the case is that you want to not read to protect your faith, before you go, can I suggest that you only finish the introduction. If you don't agree with where the questions lead after the introduction, by all means stop reading if you aren't ok with finding out what I have to say.

            Growing up I was taught that faith is believing in things that are unseen but true. Based on this definition, faith does not require us to ignore things that are known and true. Faith in it's true form does not require willful ignorance. Can we agree that faith does not require ignorance?  So are you allowed to ask questions and consider evidence? If you're a Mormon as I was you are certainly encouraged to not look at anything not given directly from current church produced materials. However, this wasn't always the case, as we'll get into soon enough. For now just know that the early church members were encouraged by their leaders to be skeptical and scrutinize the doctrine. At what point did this change? If you aren't Mormon, but you're faith makes similar assertions regarding what you should be willing to look at, then these questions are just as affective. At what point does something you believe in become beyond question? Is this a safe position to base your belief?

            I was taught that I should avoid questions and reading that will call into question the truths I have been taught. I have found with my own and other religious leaders, there's often a claim of knowing the truth, but a disdain for questioning of that truth. Do you ever hear remarkable stories about how brave someone was to go against their family or beliefs to convert?  When the role is reversed people are leaving instead of joining your faith, are they labeled as apostates and looked at negatively? Today I would argue that whether truth or lie, both should be held to the toughest scrutiny to prove it as it is. If it is truth, it will emerge as such. If it is a lie it will be exposed. Therefore, I don't believe truth fears being doubted. Only lies are afraid of being exposed. So if you claim to have the answers, but are unwilling to question those answers, you are admitting, no matter how firmly you want to say you know what you believe, that you aren't certain your beliefs will hold up to being questioned. If having the truth is the most important thing, then seeking it at all cost should be your goal. Can we agree that you can't claim to have truth you are unwilling to question? Can we agree that being unwilling to question is not a sign of faith or knowledge? Is the God you believe in really above question, or would he want you to question knowing you will find comfort and your faith will be strengthened? Is questioning your leaders really the same as questioning God? If you're Mormon and you believe your leaders speak for God, and are beyond question, be careful of that claim. The church has had some pretty terrible lessons taught by those same leaders on God's behalf they'd rather people forget about. These lessons are typically addressed through apologetics as the imperfections of man. If you aren't aware of what I'm talking about, you will find out why soon enough.

            Religion is one of the most important things people may choose to invest in. For some religions the investment can be very high. Would you approach any other investment such as buying a home, a car, or stocks without doing some homework? Would you simply take the sellers claim at face value, or would you investigate from other references? For some their religion is one of the top priorities in their life. Before making such a large investment shouldn't one do more research not less?

            Would an all knowing, all powerful, and loving God teach truth through a lie? Claiming scriptures and doctrines that were previously taught as literal are now metaphors because evidence now contradicts them doesn't change what they were brought into use as. There's clearly a difference between a metaphor and a lie. One is symbolic or even a story used to explain something. It can be used for teaching. I can accept that a God may use a metaphor as a method of teaching, but what if that metaphor wasn't represented as a metaphor? What if the story is taught as a literal truth given from God? What if later that truth was found to be untrue? Can it then simply be called a metaphor, and excused as human error? Does it still hold me the same meaning? What does that mean about the certainty of your remaining truths? So I say it again, would God teach truth through a lie?

            For me there came a day where I recognized as a father I was teaching my beliefs to my children, but I'd never really studied them and questioned them. These children trusted me completely, and would believe whatever I told them. Didn't I owe it to them to really search for a certainty that what I was teaching them was correct? If you have children would you? I had always assumed the answers I had were right. I had always known they were right. Why would I question that? I resolved to look into them not out of doubt, but searching for certainty. It didn't take long to discover many things that troubled me greatly. I had to make a choice. This choice became very clear to me one day when I simply typed into the Google search the words  "skeptical Mormon." I found a blog, where the last entry was a man claiming he no longer believed in anything. This scared me. At that point maybe it was curiosity that got the better of me, but I decided that my whole search for truth would be a failure if I was to turn tail and run because I was afraid of what I might see. I decided seeking the truth at all costs was what mattered, and that this is what any God would want me to do. I decided to go back and read from the beginning of his blog to the end and see why he ended up leaving his faith the way he did. This lead me to more topics of study, and the list of things to learn grew longer. The journey has been awesome.

            If you are a person who also considers themselves nonreligious, I hope you will enjoy reading my story.  Maybe it will give you relief if it is a story you can relate to.  It can be a great comfort to know there are others who have gone through similar stories.  If you are a person who is religious, I hope you will accept that faith never required ignorance, and the truth has no question it fears.  If you do, the journey may be hard, but it will be worth it.

            If you are Mormon, before you jump to the angry anti Mormon mantra and dismiss my words, please consider this. I loved the church. I will be the first to say that there was a long period of my life that I didn't live to the rules of the Gospel, but I always loved it. Even when I was in my darkest periods, I went to church every Sunday. By the time I was old enough to not go, I wanted to go. I loved being there. Even when I knew people were whispering about me, and in some cases telling their teenage sons not to hang out with me, I went. I didn't care if I was a Jack Mormon. Church each week is what kept me grounded. It's what kept me from feeling like I wasn't worth anything for breaking rules that I had learned in church were not to be broken. As I grew older, I married in the temple, became serious about my callings, my home teaching, and my faith. I wanted to be a good Mormon husband and father. I became a Mormon who believed it, lived it, and loved it.

            Learning that the church might not be everything it has always assured me that it was has been one of the most painful experiences of my life, and has caused more grief and concern in my relationships than is reasonable. The case made in the following chapters will not be very church friendly, but I am attempting to be completely open and honest with the information presented. You may not agree with what you read. That is ok. In spite of any preconceived notions you may have, I'm not out to destroy anyone else's faith. However, before you decide whether you want to continue reading, please consider two things.

            First, Mormon's regularly make "I Know" statements about the truth claims of the church.  This begins for most members born into the church around the age of three or as soon as they leave nursery. In some wards some nursery teachers don't mind starting the lessons even younger. Children are taught to repeat that they "know" the scriptures are true before they even know how to read. They are taught to repeat these "I know" statements on a variety of subjects long before they have the ability to comprehend what they really know. This then carries over to adulthood. At this point the church says be careful what you consider, and only consider what is faith promoting. So at what point is there any real questioning in the form of research aside from prayer. A person continues to support their faith with weekly affirmations, and bearing of testimonies. Have you ever witnessed a person walking around saying "I know 2 + 2 = 4 . . . I just know it's true!" Of course not. No one needs to repeat that statement over and over to convince themselves they know it's true. It's simply known that it's true! So being unwilling to look at information, but constantly repeating "I know" doesn't mean you know anything. It means you believe something, and are constantly having to confirm your beliefs through affirmative action's, while avoiding any information that may make you doubt. To really know if one has the correct information, all information from all sides should be considered before coming to a conclusion.  If you read this and weigh it against what you've learned in church and still come to the conclusion that you know the church is true, we may disagree. However, I will not say you haven't done due diligence, and I wish you nothing but joy and happiness in your life in the church.

            Second, contrary to popular beliefs within the church, not everyone who is losing faith is doing so because they want to sin, they are lazy, or they have been offended. Well they may be offended if they feel the church hasn't been honest with them, but they don't feel offended because someone insulted their funeral potatoes at the pot luck. There are literally tens of thousands of members losing faith every year because they are learning about the information that will be discussed in the chapters that follow. If they are wrong. If I am wrong. If someone could give a reasonably good answer about how we've been duped. If someone can solve these problems on all of the following information. I will be the first person to repent, pay my tithing, sit on the pew, and go back to church. Tens of thousands of people would. Not to mention roadblocks would be removed from missionary work. But if no one wants to look, then I and people like me are just acceptable losses. If the answer is to ignore and sweep any troubling information under the rug. Please don't ever tell me the church or its members care about the lost sheep. Please don't tell me they care about the 1 in 99. Because any organization that has decided the answer to these questions, which they are aware of,  is to sweep them under the rug, and act as if anyone who brings them up is doing something wrong, even when they are true and troubling questions, is not an honest organization and doesn't care about the lost sheep that has become informed otherwise. Even if they can't answer the questions, they can be honest and accept the results. I cannot accept that an all knowing, all powerful God would teach truth through deception.

            If you are my family, it is my hope that my writing this will make clear the reasons for my conclusions. 

            Lastly I hope to add to a voice of people who feel largely alone at times. People who go through a crisis of faith often feel like they're questions fall on deaf ears, and if they come to a conclusions that opposes their faith they often feel misunderstood, rejected, or even shunned. I do not claim credit for finding the referenced material included in this story. That was done by the hard work of many others. I include it to show the things I learned and how they affected me.  So much of the information available outside of the official LDS church sources that isn't correlated is fragmented. As people continue to learn and discussed the non-correlated material it continues to add clarity and understanding to these issues. Perhaps this will also add some clarity for myself if there are any issues I'm still working through, and I hope my message will add to the voice of people asking the questions I did.